For your amusement...fufufu

#1 Best LOTR parody to date. Enjoy ~



Random JRock fangirlism.....

#2 My current wallpaper: Laruku



#3 My latest artpiece: Hyde

Life is................ Allow me to share two things I've learnt as I reflect about God and life today.

#1) There are many opinions from everyone and my limited human capacity cannot contain all of them. I have yet learnt to selectively choose the opinion to listen to. I've allowed ppl's negative comments to affect me and complicate my way of thinking. No wonder I've been so stressed and angsty!! Why did I allow a little kid, a stranger and least favourite colleague make me feel awful about myself and my circumstances?

This is when I realized how much impact the words from my boyfriend, my family and friends have on me. Everytime I tell my boyfriend something which makes me worry or feel down, what he says nullifies the negativity of it. Today, when he didn't say anything about my usual rant, I feel strangely empty. Maybe he just gave up saying anything at all because I won't listen to him, just as I refuse to listen to my friends/family. That's when I realized how foolish I've been to listen to the wrong people and instead, frustrate those who really matter.

"I built another temple to a stranger
I gave away my heart to the rushing wind
I set my course to run right into danger
I sought the company of fools instead of friends"

"If I should slow my pace and finally subject me to grace
and love that shames the wise
betrays the heart's deceit and lies
and breaks the back of foolish pride"
- Jars of Clay "Of a Jealous Kind"


Lesson: Hear all the opinions out there but wisely choose what to listen to. Simplify life and place faith in God and the ones He has given me because they know and love me the most.

###################

#2) I just came back from a baby shower. When I look at my friend who is going to start a family, I realized that I cannot always be a child and my life will probably never be the easy one I envisioned it to be. For the last few weeks, I've been hoping for all my troubles to go away and easily get upset when things don't go the way I want them to. But, one day, I will have to be a role model, a teacher and a mother to someone. One day, someone is going to depend on my wisdom, guidance and strength. Now, if I'm always going to throw a tantrum and whine all the time, then, to whom will that someone look up to? Who is going to teach my children and students how to be responsible, respectful, patient and merciful to others? If it's not me, then who will it be?

I am the one meant to carry that burden as God intended. Most adults become parents eventually and I need to start acting like an adult. God has been pushing me to grow up but I've been resisting. I felt afraid, incapable and insecure. And yet, in the midst of hesitation and angst, I've been assured that I don't have to be perfect in order to become whom God dreamt me to be. All I need to be is the willingness to grow and to trust everything else to God.

"land unfit enough for planting
barren enough to conceive
poor enough to gain the treasure
enough a cynic to believe"

'it's just enough to be strong
in the broken places, in the broken places
it's just enough to be strong
should the world rely on faith tonight
- Jars of Clay "Faith Enough"

Lesson: Weak enough to be strong, foolish enough to be wise. I am weak before God but He makes me strong for others. Mave, time to grow up and welcome your new role in life.

** Imageshack doesn't seem to host my images anymore. But hey, at least the pretty thumbnails are still there and if you really want the image, go to mavet.deviantart.com/Scraps

Gothic:

1 a : of, relating to, or resembling the Goths , their civilization, or their language b : TEUTONIC,
GERMANIC c : MEDIEVAL d : UNCOUTH, BARBAROUS
2 a : of, relating to, or having the characteristics of a style of architecture developed in northern France and spreading through western Europe from the middle of the 12th century to the early 16th century that is characterized by the converging of weights and strains at isolated points upon slender vertical piers and counterbalancing buttresses and by pointed arches and vaulting b : of or relating to an architectural style reflecting the influence of the medieval Gothic
3 often not capitalized : of or relating to a style of fiction characterized by the use of desolate or remote settings and macabre, mysterious, or violent incidents

I think most ppl are most familiar with description #3. Well, that's what -I- recognized. So, what am I doing messing around with gothic? Nothing really except for being fascinated with some gothic fashion as perceived by the modern Japanese culture. Mind you, I'm talking about the clothing, nothing else. People tend to get freaked out by the word 'gothic' and maybe, for good reason. While fashion magazines are good clean fun, there are some magazines, which corrupted this fashion with its association with porn. T____T What a shame.

Anyway, my point was this: "Gee, some of these dresses are pretty cute, if not, interesting."

Pics:
(People)


(Anime/Manga)


(My own Art XD)


More info:
http://www.morbidoutlook.com/fashion/articles/
2002_07_gothiclolita.html

Everyone seems pretty fascinated with the topic called 'Love.' We see it on our billboards, in Hollywood and is most probably the main focus of the dating scene. Ppl lament, "Why don't you love me? I love you but you don't love me in return bla bla bla"

Sure most of us are capable of loving those who love. It's not difficult when these ppl do the things we want them to or they somehow fulfill the criterion we've set upon them. But try loving the people you HATE.

I've had my share of meeting annoying, immature, mean and rude people. When I was younger, it was easier to just avoid these ppl. However, as I grow older, I realize that I might not be able to enjoy that luxury anymore. What are you going to do if you find out that the person you resent the most is going to be a work partner? Or wait a minute, what about that family member you dislike with all your heart and have been enduring them for like your whole lifetime?

What are you going to do? Are you going to run away from them? Quit your job? Quit the family? Do you have that choice? If you don't have that choice, it seems that you're doomed to live with that person and suffer. That's when you start to think that life sucks and is just NOT fair.

I've been placed in that situation and had a realization today. Sometimes God places annoying ppl around you, so that you can learn to be patient. In my case, I know this unlovable person has been placed in my workplace so that I will learn to love him as God loves him. One part of me feels disgusted and angry, "I don't want to work with him. Why this? I hate it. " But there's another part in me, which gently pressing me on, "It's Ok. I must learn to love. God won't lead to a place you cannot handle and He'll be with you at all times." I'm pretty sure the latter is what helps me maintain my sanity in life. Loving someone is not all about feeling good inside or having those great emotional experiences. It's a decision and commitment to force oneself to give willingly even if they don't feel like it.

It will be one of my most difficult challenges in this phase of my life but I choose to believe that while this may not be what I want, I know that God wants me to learn how to love so it's worth it. It's difficult but it's not impossible."

The pathway is broken and the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why You brought me here
But just because You love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley
If You want me to

Cause I'm not who I was
When I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise
You're not through with me yet
So if all of these trials
Bring me closer to You
Then I will go through fire if You want me to

It may not be the way I would have chosen
when You lead me through a world that's not my home
but You never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone

So when the whole world turns against me
and I'm all by myself
and I can't hear you answer my cries for help
I'll remember the sufferin Your love put you through
And I will go through the valley
If You want me to.

-Ginny Owens, If You want me to

This is one of my songs of courage whenever I'm feeling down and weak. In the midst of madness as I try to get out of grad school and deal with the complications of life, all I have left is God. I can't understand what and why God is planning things the way He does but I will see it all clearly one day. Lord Jesus went through the worst trial and sufferings known to men but He did it because He knew of the joy that would come in the end. I know He will be with me as I keep pushing forward and patiently wait for the end. I know it'll be worth the pain and wait.

AAARRGGHHH!!! Remind me to use a separate lunchbag to carry my lunch next time. This morning, the curry stored in tupperware in my bag spilled out and ruined my manga pages! *cries* Poor poor Home Chapter 5. Oh well, no use crying over spilled curry.

Life has a lot of complications, doesn't it? I suppose that, this is of no exception to any international student, especially those in the United States. My delay in my graduation with a M.S. may or may have an implication on my F1 student status. I completed the OPT application a month before and declared that I will graduate by May 6th. And now, looking back at my thesis-writing, it doesn't look like it's going to happen soon. Wish me luck as I take a trip to the Graduate School, Registrar's Office and Office of International Students & Scholars to convince them to extend my graduation date and not to deport me from the country. ^_^;;;

It may seem as if life sucks but I guess I must accept complications like this as part of life, surrender them to God and to "Live for God, don't sweat the small stuff." With that all said, I'm taking a break from CAA. There's enough going on in my personal life, I don't want to deal with more conflicts online. The conflicts I speak of are in regards to JRock and bishies.

I'm a JRock fan but that doesn't mean I support cross-dressing. I do tolerate it if it's a joke or part of entertainment but I do not approve of it as a lifestyle. The JRock group I really like at the moment is L'Arc-en-Ciel or Laruku. Sure, they've had their own history of what some Christians would describe as evil --> dressing femininely in their early years and looking like yakuza gangsters in their most recent years. But their lyrics are pretty decent, their music is great and I like their current image (personally I think Ken has made the best improvement hehe). My point is this: JRock fans aren't necessarily Visual Kei fans.

OK what about bishonens (pretty guys)? Call me sensitive but I think there has been a significant amount of bishie-bashing by male members in CAA. I'm quite disappointed by their attitude although I may understand why they feel the way they do. I suppose they get irked by seeing anime guys who look like girls (you starting to see the pattern here?) Now, if that is the case, then I've got to say that I agree with them. Look, I like bishies like Tsuzuki Asato (Yami no Matsuei), Sano Izumi (Hana Kimi) and Himura Kenshin. Yet, I personally think characters such as Yuki/Ayame Sohma and Gundam Seed characters are too feminine for my taste. The line where I would draw is Seta Soujirou (Rurouni Kenshin): He's pretty but you know that he's a guy who can kick your butt with his Tenken move. My point is this: I like the prettiness in bishies to a certain extent. IMO, bishies of my choice don't look like girls.

I'm very much tempted to whine about being misunderstood. But I'm also too tired to explain my position and I would rather not say anything when my mood is foul. For that reason, I think it's well worth that I take a break from it all and focus on my personal matters and God, which is far more important anyway, right? ^^