Reflective Rant of the Day
I'm trying my best not to be upset with my intern colleagues but since the last few weeks, I have wondered whether the other female interns have been leaving me out of their activities.
Going off for breakfast: The group usually walks together to the lunch room in the morning to get cereal. - Hey, I'm going to get some cereal too - I said. As I gathered my stuff together, I turn around and realize that the 3 of them had already walked off, laughing and talking to themselves, leaving me behind. Ouch.
Walking to a meeting/corporate events: There was a company lunch for all employees. I told the male intern (yes there is one guy) - Hey let us wait for the other female interns and go there together- We turned around to do other things for 1-2 minutes and next thing we know, the female interns had already left! I guess they did not know we were waiting for them.
Lunches: I was randomly invited out by a friend from another department for lunch and was surprised to see 3 of my fellow interns eating among themselves. I can not help focusing on how they are always -going home- for lunch or have something else to do when I ask them to join me to lunch.
Planning for a potluck: The 3 of them goes off as a group to plan what to bring. I overheard them and ask them what they are planning. -We are going to bring pop/soda and side dishes, simple stuff. But Mave, because you were late, you have to bring the entrees.- I know they meant it as a joke but I guess I was already annoyed so I did not take the humor too well.
This morning, there was a bridal shower card going around the office. It reached the intern cubicles and all 3 of the female interns signed the card. I wondered whether I was being forgotten again when I silently observed how the card got passed around without going through me. I was a bit annoyed but ah never mind. Just to be sure about this card (I did contribute $$ to the present too), I asked one of the interns across the cubicle whether there was a card being passed around, I was lightly reprimanded for saying that too loud since the recipient of the card was next to us. I know I should not have said it out loud but I sincerely forgot but I was frustrated: I would not have to ask that darn question if you guys did not forget me! I am in the same cubicle, less than 5 metres away from you, for goodness ' sake.
Sigghh. I guess that I am being over-sensitive, getting mad over the smallest, silliest things. I want to let it go and convince myself that I do not care if I fit into the clique or not. Maybe there is something wrong with me that makes them socialize less with me. Maybe I should initiate more activities or conversations. Maybe I should start picking up on their interests, which I do not share for (fashion, bar outings). Maybe I am too weird with my cooking experiments and hobbies (knitting, anime & manga). Or wait, maybe they have just stopped including me because I am usually not open to their activities or interests anyway.
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It is probably my own fault for not fitting in and being difficult to relate to. I should not be upset (I already feel better typing all this out). I can not change the way I am. I do not mean to sound like I am talking bad about anyone but writing this out really helps me to place things in perspective. I admit that I am partially glad that this internship is ending. Hopefully my next phase in life brings me to ppl I can better relate to. And if not, may God use this experience to lift me up above such discouragement and teach me how to react in a better and more mature way.
Oh yeah, for those of you who actually read through this whole thing, God bless you. I just wanted you to know that I have not been able to visit other blogs. It does not mean I do not care. I just have not found the time for them. In due time, I will pick up on them, k? :)
Friday, April 07, 2006
I learnt how to load a gun and shoot a few weeks ago. I think I gave everyone a great impression by turning around with the gun cocked forward. They were freaked out, alright. (Do NOT ever do that, folks!) Never have I been so "kan cheong" my whole life. What a frightening feeling of awe!
I later, learnt quite a bit more about shotguns, machine guns, revolvers, rifles and more assortments of such weaponry. I now, have more respect for those who carry and utilize guns on a regular basis (not you street gangsters!) I was referring to the police, security squads and military personnel.
I do not get the Asian blush when I drink alcohol. Instead, my vision becomes strange and I feel light-headed. I'm not in favor of drinking oneself silly. However, I do feel that it's always wise to know your limits. I do now and am not embarassed to say that my tolerance is pretty low. My first creamy chocolate martini was awesome, but my 2nd and 3rd experience at different restaurants sent my head whirling. How disappointing. But hey, at least I save money on limited drinks. Bad martini, bad martini!
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The mere idea of being a professional comic artist terrifies me. Seriously.
No academic training. No educational degree. No work experience.
Just pure God-given talent and a leap of faith.
How terrifying and intimidating.
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In the next few months, I could end up ANYWHERE. I do not like this feeling, God. I DO NOT like it at all. I like knowing where I'm headed. I like to know what I'm going to do in the next few months. But I don't. AGAIN! Arghhh!! Why, God why?
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It is wise to reserve your opinion when the food samples provided by a food supplier for demonstration purposes immediately gives you the impression that you're sucking on a penny. That sure, is one metallic-tasting baked product. But, I'll save that comment later for a more 'appropriate' time and preferably not in front of my fellow work colleagues: the food developers, market researcher, quality control specialists and chemists. *manager nods in agreement*
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Home made gumbo soup and baked spring rolls. I'm so proud of myself.
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I'm such a food science geek.
I've actually considered getting an autograph and picture taken with Alton Brown, Food Network star of Good Eats. He's going to be at this year's food conference in Orlando, Florida. I'm so gonna be there and I just have to meet Alton! *fangirl squeal*
Ok, ok I was just kidding with the squeal but I wasn't with the picture-taking intent.
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One day, I woke up considering the possiblity that I'll most likely get married in the next few years. Or worse, soon.
I feel terribly grown-up and it's not a great feeling.
As Jas puts it, it's a quarterly life crisis.
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Pls meet my new partner-in-organization.
Palm Tungsten E, who has earned the reputation for having one lousy battery life but redeems itself for boasting pretty color screens and looking sleek
It costed me $US 85, bought second-hand as opposed to $US 199 (retail price).
I've prayed over it for God's divine power of keeping its battery life longer than average.
It never hurts to have some faith.
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Speaking of faith, The History Channel enjoys picking Christian-related topics to discuss. There was one whole series on DaVinci code and the Rejected Gospels a month ago, I'm sure. Last night, it was all about the Anti-Christ and Biblical Battles. Either someone has a bone to pick with the Christian faith as a whole or they're just plain curious. :)
According to the interpretations of those shows, leaders such as Moses, Joshua and Gideon weren't just weak yet faithful men aided by God. They were highly trained and crafty military strategists, who don't have a qualm killing in cold blood. *frowns* Great. One more argument to consider.
Anyway, to be fair, I partially agree with some of these interpretations but I still don't feel comfortable with some things God allowed or even commanded in the OT.
I hope to get these questions answered when I get to Heaven. For the time being, all they do is give me a good headache.
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I made my own manga project forum for the sake of organization. Talk about abusing the original intent of forums.
Interaction, Mave darling.
Social networking, Mave honey.
Fellowshipping, Mave sweetheart.
But no..... she's twiddling with the admin options and is having a ball of a time, finally having control over something.
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