Life is................ Allow me to share two things I've learnt as I reflect about God and life today.

#1) There are many opinions from everyone and my limited human capacity cannot contain all of them. I have yet learnt to selectively choose the opinion to listen to. I've allowed ppl's negative comments to affect me and complicate my way of thinking. No wonder I've been so stressed and angsty!! Why did I allow a little kid, a stranger and least favourite colleague make me feel awful about myself and my circumstances?

This is when I realized how much impact the words from my boyfriend, my family and friends have on me. Everytime I tell my boyfriend something which makes me worry or feel down, what he says nullifies the negativity of it. Today, when he didn't say anything about my usual rant, I feel strangely empty. Maybe he just gave up saying anything at all because I won't listen to him, just as I refuse to listen to my friends/family. That's when I realized how foolish I've been to listen to the wrong people and instead, frustrate those who really matter.

"I built another temple to a stranger
I gave away my heart to the rushing wind
I set my course to run right into danger
I sought the company of fools instead of friends"

"If I should slow my pace and finally subject me to grace
and love that shames the wise
betrays the heart's deceit and lies
and breaks the back of foolish pride"
- Jars of Clay "Of a Jealous Kind"


Lesson: Hear all the opinions out there but wisely choose what to listen to. Simplify life and place faith in God and the ones He has given me because they know and love me the most.

###################

#2) I just came back from a baby shower. When I look at my friend who is going to start a family, I realized that I cannot always be a child and my life will probably never be the easy one I envisioned it to be. For the last few weeks, I've been hoping for all my troubles to go away and easily get upset when things don't go the way I want them to. But, one day, I will have to be a role model, a teacher and a mother to someone. One day, someone is going to depend on my wisdom, guidance and strength. Now, if I'm always going to throw a tantrum and whine all the time, then, to whom will that someone look up to? Who is going to teach my children and students how to be responsible, respectful, patient and merciful to others? If it's not me, then who will it be?

I am the one meant to carry that burden as God intended. Most adults become parents eventually and I need to start acting like an adult. God has been pushing me to grow up but I've been resisting. I felt afraid, incapable and insecure. And yet, in the midst of hesitation and angst, I've been assured that I don't have to be perfect in order to become whom God dreamt me to be. All I need to be is the willingness to grow and to trust everything else to God.

"land unfit enough for planting
barren enough to conceive
poor enough to gain the treasure
enough a cynic to believe"

'it's just enough to be strong
in the broken places, in the broken places
it's just enough to be strong
should the world rely on faith tonight
- Jars of Clay "Faith Enough"

Lesson: Weak enough to be strong, foolish enough to be wise. I am weak before God but He makes me strong for others. Mave, time to grow up and welcome your new role in life.