Christian Fanboy Syndrome by Mortimer Snerd

*ROTFL* Dear Lord, don't let me fall into this syndrome. Still, it is sad that this syndrome does exist in the Christian entertainment industry.

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(Originally posted by mzjoe at ChristianComics.net - Nov 28 2006)

Dear Friends,

Christian Fanboy Syndrome is sweeping the nation at an alarming rate.
Afflicting both male and female evangelical cartoonists, the syndrome is
marked primarily by a surplus of confidence and an acute lack of expertise.
Many succumb without even realizing it. In an effort to help you diagnose
this condition, our experts have compiled a list of its tell-tale signs. If
you have Christian Fanboy Syndrome, you will experience several (or all) of
the following symptoms:

~A conviction that secretive, costumed vigilantism is the perfect venue for
a character's preaching and/or witnessing.

~An unshakeable belief that your every project is not only a great idea, but
was divinely inspired and/or commanded.

~An irresistible desire to create comics on subjects which have already been
exhaustively covered in Christian comics and other media: demons & angels,
biographies of Christ, hypothetical "end times" scenarios, etc.

~A highly exaggerated estimate of your comics' potential sales, resulting in
enough printing overages to build a house or two. This symptom is often
accompanied by a regrettable urge to print one's comics in color.

~A tendency to refer to any and all readers as "fans."

~A tendency to begin your comic career with a multi-part saga that has no
meaning for the reader unless they have all fifty-leven issues (fifty-nine of which
are never published).

~A tendency to interpret the cancellation of your first series as God's call
to begin several others just like it.

~A conviction that your readers' enthusiasm for your beliefs will increase
proportionately to the amount of words you can fit into each speech balloon.

~A propensity for poor spelling and grammar in all of your promotional
materials.

~A conviction that all Spirit-filled women are built like Barbie and dressed
in cling-wrap. This symptom is often accompanied by an irresistible urge to
draw female characters' breasts with a compass or triangle, and the belief
that each woman's spine features a flexible joint in her lower back.

~An unshakeable belief that Jesus had great looks, perpetually clean feet
and stainless clothes, and that He never snarled while rebuking people, nor
suffered a bad hair day.

~A conviction that anyone who comes to Christ does so within minutes of
first hearing the gospel, and that this event is invariably accompanied by
tears.

~A strong urge to draw grinning Christian characters, accompanied by a
complete inability to draw a natural-looking smile.

~A belief that all Christians you encounter not only look forward to reading
your comic, but also desire to purchase your Tshirts and other merchandise,
and wish eagerly to contribute their time, money, or talent to its
furtherance, sight-unseen.

~An impulse to pepper your ad copy with numerous exclamation points and
capital letters.

~An urge to solicit help in the production of your comic which is
accompanied by an equal and opposite aversion to paying for such help. (This
aversion can be secretive, and often fails to appear in the patient's
initial "job" offers).

~A habit of condemning anyone who criticizes your plans, accusing them of
lacking faith and opposing God.

Thanks go out to Dr. Monte Wilson, PhD., and Dr. Kneon Transitt, ISC, for
their input and suggestions. If any of you have knowledge of further
symptoms, I solicit your input as well. Together, I hope we can come to
terms with this grave condition, and minimize its terrible impact.

Yours Sincerely,
Mortimer Snerd, PhD, DDS

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