When you are down in the pits, there is only one way to go: UP

And up, I go.

One fine morning, it occurred to me that I do not have to have a low opinion of myself.

I do not have to apologize for having big hips or skin problems. I do not have to be regretful that I do not have all the skills/experience in my career choice. I do not have to be upset that my previous relationship did not lead to something everlasting. I do not have to believe that I’m a failure.

Why? Because the One who loves me for who I am.....well, loves me -for who I am-. His Salvation plan through Christ asserts that God’s love for each one of us is just overwhelming insane (in a blessed way). If men’s weaknesses, failures, sins and downfalls do not perturb God 's dedication and love for mankind, what else can? If God never gives up on me; why should I give up on myself?

I totally misunderstood the concept of humility. It’s not about putting myself down. It’s about understanding my position in relation with God, giving thanks for all He has done and then, going out to give Glory to His name passionately in everything I do! I should be proud of what God has given me and made me into!

“Everything I do” isn’t limited to my drawing or any church activities. It includes the way I feel about my physical looks, the direction of my career, and my interaction with other people. EVERYTHING. Being happy with myself is being happy with what God has made me into and blessed me with. Truly, He has given me so much! I’ve just missed the whole point of why I’m living. I owe it to God to be happy and be confident with His plans.

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No Lord, he said, you've got the wrong guy.

Simple conversation gets me tongue-tied.

And you're telling me to speak with a maniac king.

Could it be I've lost my mind?

And besides, I am weak, don't you want someone strong,

To lead them out of Egypt when they've been there so long?

And anyway, they won’t believe You ever spoke to me.

That's not your problem, God replied.

And the rest is history.

______

There's a bigger picture you can't see.

You don't have to change the world, just trust in me.

'Cause I am your creator, I am working out my plan,

And through you I will show them,

I Am.

______

Now Lord, are you sure?

He's just a shepherd boy,

Too small for battle gear with a giant to destroy.

What on earth can he do with five stones and a sling?

That's not your problem, God replied.

'Cause I can do anything.

______

There's a bigger picture you can't see.

You don't have to change the world, just trust in me.

'Cause I am your creator, I am working out my plan,

And through you, I will show them,

I Am.

______

(~Ginny Owens "I Am")

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Besides, whoever said I needed to work straight away the moment I reach home? XD Taking a break before jumping into a new job might be the best thing to do.

______

Man, I love it when the Holy Spirit kicks some sense into my stubborn narrow-minded head.

Forgive me; I try to be as encouraging, informative and edifying as possible. I'm afraid this will have to be a post reserved for letting out unhappy thoughts. Pls skip if this displeases you.

My interview did not go well. Apparently I'm lacking in skills and knowledge in an area that was never a focus course of my major. Now, I have to prove that I have the -enthusiasm- and -potential- to learn and master a skill that I've been struggling for the last few months. I'm pitifully begging....."Pls pls consider me."

I don't know how to express my current feelings. I'm sad because I know that all my hard work and knowledge doesn't seem to matter. I'm furious because I wish ppl would give me a break; I'm barely entry-level and the world is asking me to master a career field that school/internship did not prepare me for. Why am I expected to have the same skills of someone who has 5 years worth of work experience?

Seriously, why even bother? Nothing I can do or am good enough seems to matter and my weaknesses are all ppl care for. I'm tired......very tired.

I want to get out. This place, this country....now just serves as a painful reminder that I can never be good enough for their standards and their system. I'm rejected and abandoned by people who don't know me and not worth that much to the one who knew me the most. Yes, my retreat is pitiful but I wish to avoid from hurting anyone else with my words of anger and self-pity.

God, what am I to do? Perhaps You're using this to beat down my pride but I don't feel that I have any self-confidence anymore. Am I being punished for my sins? Is there no more love reserved from your side? Am I not good enough for You?

I'm hoping that You don't want me to give up at this point of life. Giving up my life and purpose would insult You and everything You've blessed me. There is much that needs to be done; pls give me Your Love, Comfort and Strength to carry on.

Pls remain near and watch over one of Your daughters. Pls guide the works of her hands, the thoughts of her mind and the words of her mouth. Pls show Yourself real in her life.

(Jesus Walks)
God show me the way because the Devil trying to break me down

(Jesus Walks with me)
The only thing that I pray is that me feet don't fail me now

(Jesus Walks)
And I don't think there is nothing I can do now to right my wrongs

(Jesus Walks with me)
I want to talk to God but I'm afraid because we ain't spoke in so long

- Kanye West "Jesus Walks"

Oh my Lord, I am so TIRED this week. Last Monday, I found out that I needed to pack 60-70% of my stuff by the end of the week.

(0__0);;

You've gotta be kidding me, Nick. I've like, got so much junk; I don't even know where to begin. I started to transfer all the stuff that can be sent home to one corner of my vacant bedroom (I sleep in the living room).

Man, look at that mess I've got to sort through. (>.<) It doesn't help that I'll be staying back late at home this week.

I spent all the evenings of this week, carefully wrapping, tying up and ziplocking all my stuff. I tried to distribute heavy stuff across all boxes so no one has to break their backs carrying them. I made sure I filled the boxes to the brim since I'm being charged by volume (gotta get my bang for my buck, you know). And VOILA!

It's a Friday night and I can declare: Mission accomplished!

*groans*

I need to rest. I think I'll skip my mangakaing and art request schedule for this week. Good night, minna-san!

Woowoowoowoowoo!!! XDDDDDDDD

I just got my tax returns today and it nicely coincides with my payday! *dances around*

I'M SO HAPPYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

New Year Resolution #2: Mission Completed

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

*thinks of something more useful/substantial to blog* Ahhh.....ok

The Science of Soy Sauce
[information and pics from Kikkoman Reference and Product Guide]

There are two main types of soy sauce: 1) naturally brewed "fermented," and 2) non-brewed "chemically hydrolyzed."

Naturally brewed soy sauce is translucent, with a reddish-brown color and a wonderfully balanced flavor and aroma.

Process: The natural brewing of soy sauce is accomplished in three distinct steps: koji-making, brine fermentation and refining.

1. Koji-making: Blend soybeans and wheat --> Add seed mold --> Allow mixture to mature for 3 days in large, perforated air circulated vats

2. Brine Fermentation: Transfer culture, or "koji" to fermentation tanks --> Mixed w/ saltwater to make "moromi" mash --> Allow moromi to ferment using lactic acid bacteria & yeasts

3. Refining: Separate solids from soy sauce by pressing through filtration cloth --> Refine --> Pasteurize --> package

VS

Non-brewed soy sauce is often opaque and has a harsh, overpowering flavor and pronounced chemical aroma.

Process: Boil with HCl acid for 15 - 20 hrs --> After removing most amino acids, cool to stop the hydrolytic reaction --> Neutralized --> Pressed through filter --> Mix with active carbon --> Purified through filtration --> Add color and flavor using caramel color, corn syrup (for sweetness), and salt --> Refine and package.

** As the food science geek, I find this interesting. Kikkoman claims that all their products are naturally fermented, which creates many distinct flavor and fragrance compounds that build the soy sauce flavor profile as opposed to non-brewed products. I feel inclined to believe them since I remember tasting a non-brewed soy sauce and thought it was odd in color and taste. But after reading this, I'm all for naturally fermented soy sauce.

Cheers for natural-fermentation!

For more info: http://www.kikkoman-usa.com