Reflective Rant of the Day

I'm trying my best not to be upset with my intern colleagues but since the last few weeks, I have wondered whether the other female interns have been leaving me out of their activities.

Going off for breakfast: The group usually walks together to the lunch room in the morning to get cereal. - Hey, I'm going to get some cereal too - I said. As I gathered my stuff together, I turn around and realize that the 3 of them had already walked off, laughing and talking to themselves, leaving me behind. Ouch.

Walking to a meeting/corporate events: There was a company lunch for all employees. I told the male intern (yes there is one guy) - Hey let us wait for the other female interns and go there together- We turned around to do other things for 1-2 minutes and next thing we know, the female interns had already left! I guess they did not know we were waiting for them.

Lunches: I was randomly invited out by a friend from another department for lunch and was surprised to see 3 of my fellow interns eating among themselves. I can not help focusing on how they are always -going home- for lunch or have something else to do when I ask them to join me to lunch.

Planning for a potluck: The 3 of them goes off as a group to plan what to bring. I overheard them and ask them what they are planning. -We are going to bring pop/soda and side dishes, simple stuff. But Mave, because you were late, you have to bring the entrees.- I know they meant it as a joke but I guess I was already annoyed so I did not take the humor too well.

This morning, there was a bridal shower card going around the office. It reached the intern cubicles and all 3 of the female interns signed the card. I wondered whether I was being forgotten again when I silently observed how the card got passed around without going through me. I was a bit annoyed but ah never mind. Just to be sure about this card (I did contribute $$ to the present too), I asked one of the interns across the cubicle whether there was a card being passed around, I was lightly reprimanded for saying that too loud since the recipient of the card was next to us. I know I should not have said it out loud but I sincerely forgot but I was frustrated: I would not have to ask that darn question if you guys did not forget me! I am in the same cubicle, less than 5 metres away from you, for goodness ' sake.

Sigghh. I guess that I am being over-sensitive, getting mad over the smallest, silliest things. I want to let it go and convince myself that I do not care if I fit into the clique or not. Maybe there is something wrong with me that makes them socialize less with me. Maybe I should initiate more activities or conversations. Maybe I should start picking up on their interests, which I do not share for (fashion, bar outings). Maybe I am too weird with my cooking experiments and hobbies (knitting, anime & manga). Or wait, maybe they have just stopped including me because I am usually not open to their activities or interests anyway.

..............

It is probably my own fault for not fitting in and being difficult to relate to. I should not be upset (I already feel better typing all this out). I can not change the way I am. I do not mean to sound like I am talking bad about anyone but writing this out really helps me to place things in perspective. I admit that I am partially glad that this internship is ending. Hopefully my next phase in life brings me to ppl I can better relate to. And if not, may God use this experience to lift me up above such discouragement and teach me how to react in a better and more mature way.

Oh yeah, for those of you who actually read through this whole thing, God bless you. I just wanted you to know that I have not been able to visit other blogs. It does not mean I do not care. I just have not found the time for them. In due time, I will pick up on them, k? :)