The Return from Japan....

...sucked. Yes yes, I know I should be blogging about the Japan Mission trip from the beginning, not the end. Additionally, I'm *gasp* double-posting.

But, there's something special about today. It's not just the fact that LY has become a Mrs. Cheong. I'm also on leave from work right in the middle of heavy deadlines, which I've already missed.

If there's one thing that this trip has taught me (you decide if it's good or bad), it's that there are some things that are not worth the stress, including work.

Getting back to the trip home, it was bad for mainly two realities that dawned upon me in the journey.

Reality #1: I'm sick
I had a painful sore throat, fever and a headache by the time we got onto the bus for Narita airport. Now, when I'm sick, what I typically do is to remain silent as I tend to become easily irritable over the smallest thing. I felt bad for the Japan team as I could tell that they were uncomfortable with the silent me. I wasn't mad at them or anyone else. I was just plain unhappy with my illness and there was nothing in this world that was going to make me feel any better. All I had to do was just to tough it out. I tried my best to be patient and to keep to myself.

Reality #2 No one is going to pick me up from the airport
As the others talked excitedly about going back to Singapore, even squealing at 5 minutes to touchdown, I realized that I'm the only one who's going to go home alone. At the airport, I saw everyone's friends and family members. I shook hands, said Hi and waved goodbye. I made my way to Bus 858 and took a seat. I told myself that it'll be fine - I'm used to being alone anyway. How is this any different from my life in the U.S.?

I shot some SMSs to three church friends (mostly Pathmakers)....only these 3 simply because I knew that they would definitely reply to my SMS. That night, the miserable and lonely me needed some responses even if it was a simple "I'll pray for your sickness." All responses were prompt and cordial (aww, I wanna hug these ppl). I bade goodnight to them with a slight mention of "sorrows at office the next day."

When an SMS came back to me "Don't be too stressed out ya? Take things step by step. Work will always be there. God is our ultimate boss," I cried a bit in the bus. Somewhere on this planet, someone knew and cared.

In the end of the day, it's no one's fault, really. I mean, I didn't exactly inform others of what I'm doing. I didn't really tell my parents that I'm leaving for Japan. I didn't tell any church friends that I'm coming back on the 30th. Deep inside, an inner voice said that no one would care enough to come anyway. Before leaving for Japan, I tried to arrange for a meetup for a church friend's birthday. No one from church came, which surprised me and disappointed the other. I couldn't help concluding that there's no point telling anyone 'coz no one is going to come anyway.

Few days later, I've bounced back into my usual self. I'm fine now. In retrospect, I still wonder if I could have done things better. Am I really Ok, being so independent and doing things on a solo basis? Am I really OK, protecting myself emotionally by expecting so little from ppl around me to avoid disappointment?

I'll think about this but I promise you that the next post will definitely be about the happier and more insightful moments of the mission trip. Promise!